We had our last class of Counselling and Helping Skills last Monday. In a way, I feel happy because I can concentrate on my assignments and dissertation now that class is over. But in a way, I feel sad too because I won't be seeing my lecturer and coursemate again. After months of routinely meeting them every week, of course I'll feel something is missing in me. But although it's the last day, I know it's just a new beginning for all of us to start our next journey. All that we've learnt were just basic knowledge that need to be further developed, nurtured and importantly, practised.
In our last class, my lecturer asked us why do we need to have counselling and helping skills? In my response, I said because all the people surround us have lots of emotional and behaviour issues and agendas. Just look at the news about gun-shooting at Virginia Tech, teen murders, gang fights, all sort of terrors happened around the world. So, to me if we could give a helping hand to one or two people with emotional issues or give a shoulder to cry on to some friends and collague who need help, that'll be grateful enough.
After I attend this course, I think I know one of the counselling skills that I could develop is my listening skill. I've had response from some of my coursemates and my friends back home that I'm a person they find easy to talk to and a good listener. Although, counselling is not my profession, I hope to be able to strenghten this skill, well... who knows I might change my mind someday and take up counselling professionally.
I remembered when I went back home to Brunei last month, I met a lady from a neighbouring country. In our 16-hours flight, I learned to know about her quite well. She told me about her life story, her marriage, her sick mum, her two children, her dead brother, her two sisters and her nephews and nieces. What did I do? Just listen to her story sincerely and encourage her to talk more.... in a way I try to practise what I learnt from the class. I think some people find it easy to talk to a complete stanger. Just pour their heart out and somebody listens to their story will make them feel better.
An Indian Philosopher, Jiddu Khrishnamurti said, "So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole part of it, not part of it".
Friday, May 04, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
escalation and de-escalation
Last Thursday, we discussed about the intensity of behaviour: the escalation and de-escalation process, in our Behaviour Management class. Imagine yourself as a teacher in this situation.
Butterfly, an 8 year old girl, is a victim of family abuse. One night, she’s doing her homework when suddenly her sister entered the room and tore her book. Her sister accused Butterfly of reading her diary, when in fact it was the mother. Before she goes to school, her father beat her up with a belt because she spilled some milk on his office work documents. Her mother punished her by not allowing her to finish her breakfast. On her way to school, she wants to talk to her elder sister that she’s hungry but her sister asked her to shut up before she could even talk. At school, she’s being bullied by her friend because she wore crumpled school uniform. Then you, as her teacher, punished her for not handing in her homework. What do you think Butterfly would feel at that moment? Hurt? Angry? Rebellious? Depressed?
Any wrong doing in managing children behaviour at this moment could lead to disastrous consequences. She may grow up to be an isolated, anti-social or rebellious person because everybody is ignoring her feelings. Children in school rebel and show behavioural problems because of so many reasons, bullying, abuse, quarrel with siblings, fight over boys or girls, popularity in schools and others…our family and friends too sometimes show unusual or moodyl behaviour, probably because they’ve been scold by their boss, problem with wife/husband, debt, corrupted computer, flat tyre and others…
As a counsellor, teacher, family and friends, we have to learn the strategies on how to assist them to de-escalate the unease, anger, sorrows, depressed and other feelings that they sometimes can’t even understand.
Some of the de-escalation strategies, that we discussed in class and I found in books are (1) let the student calm down for 5-10 minutes, (2) let them express their feelings and genuinely listen to them, (3) acknowledge their feelings (4) ask them to write or draw about their feeling, (5) ask them to go somewhere quite, (6) let them to listen to instrumental music and many more.
Hope you’ll be able to use some of these skills…
Butterfly, an 8 year old girl, is a victim of family abuse. One night, she’s doing her homework when suddenly her sister entered the room and tore her book. Her sister accused Butterfly of reading her diary, when in fact it was the mother. Before she goes to school, her father beat her up with a belt because she spilled some milk on his office work documents. Her mother punished her by not allowing her to finish her breakfast. On her way to school, she wants to talk to her elder sister that she’s hungry but her sister asked her to shut up before she could even talk. At school, she’s being bullied by her friend because she wore crumpled school uniform. Then you, as her teacher, punished her for not handing in her homework. What do you think Butterfly would feel at that moment? Hurt? Angry? Rebellious? Depressed?
Any wrong doing in managing children behaviour at this moment could lead to disastrous consequences. She may grow up to be an isolated, anti-social or rebellious person because everybody is ignoring her feelings. Children in school rebel and show behavioural problems because of so many reasons, bullying, abuse, quarrel with siblings, fight over boys or girls, popularity in schools and others…our family and friends too sometimes show unusual or moodyl behaviour, probably because they’ve been scold by their boss, problem with wife/husband, debt, corrupted computer, flat tyre and others…
As a counsellor, teacher, family and friends, we have to learn the strategies on how to assist them to de-escalate the unease, anger, sorrows, depressed and other feelings that they sometimes can’t even understand.
Some of the de-escalation strategies, that we discussed in class and I found in books are (1) let the student calm down for 5-10 minutes, (2) let them express their feelings and genuinely listen to them, (3) acknowledge their feelings (4) ask them to write or draw about their feeling, (5) ask them to go somewhere quite, (6) let them to listen to instrumental music and many more.
Hope you’ll be able to use some of these skills…
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Loss and healing process
Last monday, in our C & HS class, we discuss about attachment and loss. I agree when my lecturer said, losing someone you love is really hard… it’s going to be unbearable… it takes time to heal. I’ve lost both my aunt (father’s youngest sister) and uncle (mother’s youngest brother). They both died at an early age. My late aunt was in her twenties… and my late uncle in his late thirties… What I really feel sad about is he never had a chance to meet his only son. His wife was three months pregnant when he passed away… I could remember at that time, me and my mum’s cousin just cried all the way back home when we found out about his death. When I reached home, I saw my first cousin stood in front of my grandparent house. I ran to her, we just hugged each other and cried. No words were spoken. When his son was born, I didn't want to cry because I didn't want my aunt to feel sad, but I just couldn’t help myself… when I saw the baby, all I could think about was my uncle’s face… oh… how I cried…. imagine how my aunt must feel...
Have you ever experienced of comforting someone who lost their loved ones? I know...sometimes we just couldn’t find the right words to say. A very good friend of mine lost her father in her teen years and then lost her husband when she was in her twenties… my heart goes out for her…. When that happened, I just hold her hand and hugged her… I’ve lost for words… I knew no words could comfort her at that time… I just wanted to be there for her and shared her sorrows. And my other good friend lost her babies, triplets… it was so sad… I couldn’t even look at her without tears in my eyes… she really has full of courage and determination, I’d say…
But in every sorrow, somehow somewhere, there is happiness that lies beneath….. all those that I'd mentioned are now happily married with their children… I feel really pleased and happy for all of them. I guess the healing process would be easier... no... not easier... but maybe... bearable when someone had all the support and love from those people around them, parents, siblings, families and friends. Imagine those children or people who are being neglected from all the support and love.
Lydia Maria Child said, "The cure for all ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word 'love' ".
Have you ever experienced of comforting someone who lost their loved ones? I know...sometimes we just couldn’t find the right words to say. A very good friend of mine lost her father in her teen years and then lost her husband when she was in her twenties… my heart goes out for her…. When that happened, I just hold her hand and hugged her… I’ve lost for words… I knew no words could comfort her at that time… I just wanted to be there for her and shared her sorrows. And my other good friend lost her babies, triplets… it was so sad… I couldn’t even look at her without tears in my eyes… she really has full of courage and determination, I’d say…
But in every sorrow, somehow somewhere, there is happiness that lies beneath….. all those that I'd mentioned are now happily married with their children… I feel really pleased and happy for all of them. I guess the healing process would be easier... no... not easier... but maybe... bearable when someone had all the support and love from those people around them, parents, siblings, families and friends. Imagine those children or people who are being neglected from all the support and love.
Lydia Maria Child said, "The cure for all ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word 'love' ".
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Functionality of behaviour
Last Thursday, during my Behaviour Management class, my lecturer talked about functionality of behaviour. In simple explanation, it is like this. Human behaviour, especially children (in our learning context), is driven by specific goals. So, teachers need to understand what the specific goals are behind children behaviour because only by understanding it that teachers could manage behaviour effectively in their classrooms. Generally, there are four mistaken goals that children seek for, i.e attention, power/control, revenge and nurture.
I tried to relate this to my own experience as a child. Have I ever seeks for attention? Well, maybe… During my History lesson years ago, whenever the teacher asked me to read a passage, I’d asked for 20 cents before I read them. The teacher then get irritated and asked my other friends to read them. I guess as a teacher, he should find a way to make me to read the passage so I learned something, instead of just ignoring me. For attention seeking, the possible strategies teachers could use are ask for help or contributions, personal and specific praise, teach or reward appropriate behaviour and others .
Other behaviour problems I can think of?.. Well...The boys in my secondary 4 class always escaped from class especially during chemistry, biology, physics and history. Later, after we finished our secondary schools and when everybody have a career of their own, we organised a reunion party. I had a chat with one of the boy. He told me the reason for them leaving the class was because they felt uneasy, it’s not because they’re doing it on purpose and lazy. They’re not used to having girls in their class because it’s always been boys since their preparatory class up to secondary 3. And he said what worse was, they sat infront of the class with the girls sat behind them and they felt like their every move are being observed and judged. They really felt awkward. Maybe if the teachers had been aware of this problem, they could do something to help the boys. In this scenario, I could say that the boys are seeking for power or control. So, the strategies that teachers could use are acknowledged their strength, give responsibilities, give leadership opportunities, teach self control and etc.
So, whether you’re a teacher or parent or friends, you could only help and manage your students, children and peer’s behaviour problem, if you could understand what the specific goals are behind their action. Maybe, by doing so, you could make some change somehow. As Hellen Keller said, "No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit."
I tried to relate this to my own experience as a child. Have I ever seeks for attention? Well, maybe… During my History lesson years ago, whenever the teacher asked me to read a passage, I’d asked for 20 cents before I read them. The teacher then get irritated and asked my other friends to read them. I guess as a teacher, he should find a way to make me to read the passage so I learned something, instead of just ignoring me. For attention seeking, the possible strategies teachers could use are ask for help or contributions, personal and specific praise, teach or reward appropriate behaviour and others .
Other behaviour problems I can think of?.. Well...The boys in my secondary 4 class always escaped from class especially during chemistry, biology, physics and history. Later, after we finished our secondary schools and when everybody have a career of their own, we organised a reunion party. I had a chat with one of the boy. He told me the reason for them leaving the class was because they felt uneasy, it’s not because they’re doing it on purpose and lazy. They’re not used to having girls in their class because it’s always been boys since their preparatory class up to secondary 3. And he said what worse was, they sat infront of the class with the girls sat behind them and they felt like their every move are being observed and judged. They really felt awkward. Maybe if the teachers had been aware of this problem, they could do something to help the boys. In this scenario, I could say that the boys are seeking for power or control. So, the strategies that teachers could use are acknowledged their strength, give responsibilities, give leadership opportunities, teach self control and etc.
So, whether you’re a teacher or parent or friends, you could only help and manage your students, children and peer’s behaviour problem, if you could understand what the specific goals are behind their action. Maybe, by doing so, you could make some change somehow. As Hellen Keller said, "No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit."
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Why god gave us two ears and one mouth?
Yesterday I had CH & S class. We learned about counselling skills. Be a good listener, that’s one of the important skills that we learned and practised during the counsellor-client activities in class. I enjoyed the activities, practising both role as a counsellor and client.
Now try to reflect yourself, are you a good listener? When your friends pour their hearts out, did you try to find time to listen to them or would you simply listen for few minutes and then advise them based on your past experience? Instead of being a listener, you act more like an advisor and do most of the talking. I guess most people do that. In fact, sometimes I do but I hope I’ll be able to change that from now on.
Last few days, I read 'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I find this book really interesting although I haven’t finished reading it. In this book, the writer shared their years of experience, stories and new insights from their parent group. Simply describe, this book assist parent to nurture and sharpen their skills in parent-child relationship. I think parents should read this book, they might find some of the skills useful and applicable, if not all.
Some of the interesting things in this book, the authors said parents should say less, because a single word sometimes works better than a long paragraph. For example, when a mother said, “Look at you! You’re walking out the door without your lunch again. You’d forget your head if it weren’t attached to you” or “Son, your lunch!” Which do you think will have more effect on children?
In listening skills, the author suggested, among other things, that parents should listen with full attention and acknowledge their children’s feelings with words. Even simple words like, oh.. mm…uuh… will do. I believe it’s true. I know it's not easy for parents to communicate and listen to their children especially after a hard, rough, tiring day at work. But sometimes, it’s not that children want parents to give every solution to their problems. They just wanted to share their feelings and parents need to acknowledge that. I guess this can be adapted in our daily relationships too, with family, friends, colleague, students and others.
When I was attending a two-month English Language course in Singapore few years ago, my Myanmar friend, Chaw Kalyar, present us with a topic of 'why does god gave us two ears and one mouth?'. The answer simply is because god wanted us to listen more and talk less.
Now try to reflect yourself, are you a good listener? When your friends pour their hearts out, did you try to find time to listen to them or would you simply listen for few minutes and then advise them based on your past experience? Instead of being a listener, you act more like an advisor and do most of the talking. I guess most people do that. In fact, sometimes I do but I hope I’ll be able to change that from now on.
Last few days, I read 'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I find this book really interesting although I haven’t finished reading it. In this book, the writer shared their years of experience, stories and new insights from their parent group. Simply describe, this book assist parent to nurture and sharpen their skills in parent-child relationship. I think parents should read this book, they might find some of the skills useful and applicable, if not all.
Some of the interesting things in this book, the authors said parents should say less, because a single word sometimes works better than a long paragraph. For example, when a mother said, “Look at you! You’re walking out the door without your lunch again. You’d forget your head if it weren’t attached to you” or “Son, your lunch!” Which do you think will have more effect on children?
In listening skills, the author suggested, among other things, that parents should listen with full attention and acknowledge their children’s feelings with words. Even simple words like, oh.. mm…uuh… will do. I believe it’s true. I know it's not easy for parents to communicate and listen to their children especially after a hard, rough, tiring day at work. But sometimes, it’s not that children want parents to give every solution to their problems. They just wanted to share their feelings and parents need to acknowledge that. I guess this can be adapted in our daily relationships too, with family, friends, colleague, students and others.
When I was attending a two-month English Language course in Singapore few years ago, my Myanmar friend, Chaw Kalyar, present us with a topic of 'why does god gave us two ears and one mouth?'. The answer simply is because god wanted us to listen more and talk less.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Make Love Not War
Thanks Kaidah for letting me contribute over in your blog. Hi all, it's Amy, and actually my permanent 'home' in the blogosphere is here.
Why the title above? The idea for such post came to me after watching a video titled 'Battle of the Sexes in the Animal Kingdom' in Behavioural Biology. According to the video, there's a constant battle of the sexes for power in the world. Lions fight with each other to overtake ownership of lioness and have cubs. Queen ants suppress the sexual tendencies of her daughters. Queen naked mole rat sleeps on top of a mattress of oppressed males. In other words, in most species, it's Make War, Not Love.
Interestingly there is a species that literally make love, not war. These are the bonobos. Males touch each other's genitals to reduce aggression, and engages in a ritualized sex play that do not lead to conception. In the video, after fighting with each other, two male bonobos touch each other's genitals like shaking hands.
The lecturer said sociologists are still investigating bonobos' behaviour, whether such peace can be applied to human societies.
Interesting.
Why the title above? The idea for such post came to me after watching a video titled 'Battle of the Sexes in the Animal Kingdom' in Behavioural Biology. According to the video, there's a constant battle of the sexes for power in the world. Lions fight with each other to overtake ownership of lioness and have cubs. Queen ants suppress the sexual tendencies of her daughters. Queen naked mole rat sleeps on top of a mattress of oppressed males. In other words, in most species, it's Make War, Not Love.
Interestingly there is a species that literally make love, not war. These are the bonobos. Males touch each other's genitals to reduce aggression, and engages in a ritualized sex play that do not lead to conception. In the video, after fighting with each other, two male bonobos touch each other's genitals like shaking hands.
The lecturer said sociologists are still investigating bonobos' behaviour, whether such peace can be applied to human societies.
Interesting.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
multiply personality and good counsellor
I attended my Counselling and Helping Skills class yesterday. I really enjoyed the session because I got a chance to talk about a lot of things. Especially in reflecting my own personality, experience, etc. and then relate it to the counselling concept or theories. Yesterday we discussed about ‘self’ and ‘selves’.
Simply said, it’s like this, in our daily life, we have different personalities and they seem to transform every time, depend on the circles we are with. Whether it the circles of friends, professionals, family and others. For example, when I’m with my colleague, I tend to be more friendly-less talkative-type woman, but when I’m with my family, I’ll be more stubborn yet fun-type girl. What my lecturer's saying is that we are not just ‘one’ but there are ‘multiple’ of us in ourselves.
Well, to me I can compare this 'self' and 'selves' scenario to an actor/actress life. Actor/actress play different roles on screen but people don't know who they really are in real life. I guess it's the same thing with us. Our friends, families, colleague may know who we are but only us who knows our true selves.
Looking at this from counselling perspective, a counsellor must understand, realise and accept the fact that their client has multiply personalities, especially now that we are living in the complex-global environment. At the end of the lecture, our lecturer asked us a question, what are the criteria of a good counsellor that suit the post-modern community that have multiply personality?
Open minded, positive, active listener, trustworthy, are some of the answers from the class. Well, to add one to that list, I think one of the important criteria a counsellor should have is not to be judgemental. We tend to be judgemental when we met new people. I knew one boy who I went with in secondary school. He’s so quite, a loner. Always walk alone by himself. I don’t think I have ever talk to him. Few years ago, I met him at a reception. I didn’t recognize it was him until he approached me and to my surprise, he even remembered my name. He introduced me to his mother who’s a foreigner. Comes to think of it, I realise maybe he’s not a loner, maybe he just had a problem in communicating in Malay language since his mother is a foreigner. Had I not been so judgemental, maybe I’d have a chance to know him better and be friends with him. At least, perhaps I could share some laughter because I seldom see his smile back on those days.
I guess it’s true when Mother Theresa said that "If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
Simply said, it’s like this, in our daily life, we have different personalities and they seem to transform every time, depend on the circles we are with. Whether it the circles of friends, professionals, family and others. For example, when I’m with my colleague, I tend to be more friendly-less talkative-type woman, but when I’m with my family, I’ll be more stubborn yet fun-type girl. What my lecturer's saying is that we are not just ‘one’ but there are ‘multiple’ of us in ourselves.
Well, to me I can compare this 'self' and 'selves' scenario to an actor/actress life. Actor/actress play different roles on screen but people don't know who they really are in real life. I guess it's the same thing with us. Our friends, families, colleague may know who we are but only us who knows our true selves.
Looking at this from counselling perspective, a counsellor must understand, realise and accept the fact that their client has multiply personalities, especially now that we are living in the complex-global environment. At the end of the lecture, our lecturer asked us a question, what are the criteria of a good counsellor that suit the post-modern community that have multiply personality?
Open minded, positive, active listener, trustworthy, are some of the answers from the class. Well, to add one to that list, I think one of the important criteria a counsellor should have is not to be judgemental. We tend to be judgemental when we met new people. I knew one boy who I went with in secondary school. He’s so quite, a loner. Always walk alone by himself. I don’t think I have ever talk to him. Few years ago, I met him at a reception. I didn’t recognize it was him until he approached me and to my surprise, he even remembered my name. He introduced me to his mother who’s a foreigner. Comes to think of it, I realise maybe he’s not a loner, maybe he just had a problem in communicating in Malay language since his mother is a foreigner. Had I not been so judgemental, maybe I’d have a chance to know him better and be friends with him. At least, perhaps I could share some laughter because I seldom see his smile back on those days.
I guess it’s true when Mother Theresa said that "If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
What is it with love? (Ada apa dengan cinta?)
It’s 14th February.. love is in the air.. I picked some interesting things about love from my cousin’s blog, Hang Lucky. I just love it.
"What does love mean?" To understand true love we have to see it through the eyes of children. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds. The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
I didn’t put all the answers here. Only some of my favourites:
Rebecca - age 8 "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Nikka - age 6"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate."
Chris - age 7"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsome than Robert Redford."
Tommy - age 6"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Danny - 7"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Children are pure philosopher, I would say. I’d say I couldn’t even describe love better than they do. Haven’t met the true love myself… My other half, is still out there.. Hah… Tough luck, as if I ever could find one. But who knows, right? Miracles do happen. My best friend shared her story once when she was told that she was choosy in finding Mr. Right. She fired back and said, “Of course I was choosy, aren’t you all? Aren’t you choosy when you buy fish at the market? You choose the best, aren’t you? That is something you eat and it disappears within minutes. This is someone I have to share my life with for the rest of my life. Of course I had the right to be choosy”. Way you go girl!!..
Well, my definition of love is… love is like life itself. It can exists unexpectedly, it’s sweet in the early years, it can last longer if you really take care for it, it’s more precious and complicated when you gets older and it can dies suddenly without you having the answer why, but you really need it because without it, you'll never survive....
"What does love mean?" To understand true love we have to see it through the eyes of children. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds. The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
I didn’t put all the answers here. Only some of my favourites:
Rebecca - age 8 "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Nikka - age 6"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate."
Chris - age 7"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsome than Robert Redford."
Tommy - age 6"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Danny - 7"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Children are pure philosopher, I would say. I’d say I couldn’t even describe love better than they do. Haven’t met the true love myself… My other half, is still out there.. Hah… Tough luck, as if I ever could find one. But who knows, right? Miracles do happen. My best friend shared her story once when she was told that she was choosy in finding Mr. Right. She fired back and said, “Of course I was choosy, aren’t you all? Aren’t you choosy when you buy fish at the market? You choose the best, aren’t you? That is something you eat and it disappears within minutes. This is someone I have to share my life with for the rest of my life. Of course I had the right to be choosy”. Way you go girl!!..
Well, my definition of love is… love is like life itself. It can exists unexpectedly, it’s sweet in the early years, it can last longer if you really take care for it, it’s more precious and complicated when you gets older and it can dies suddenly without you having the answer why, but you really need it because without it, you'll never survive....
Feel Like Cryin'?...
I love to watch television comedy series. Home Improvements (HIM), My Wife And Kids (MYWIKS), 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughters (8SMS), to name a few are among my favourites. But why in the world did I cry yesterday when I watched HIM, MYWIKS and 8SMS, instead of laughing? It’s all because of those beautiful words they said to each other. For example like “I love you more now than the day I married you”, or “I don’t think I’ve apologise enough for the things I’ve said to you” (HIM), “You’re not only the man of this house, but you’re the man of my heart” (MYWIKS). It’s so sweet that it put tears in my eyes…
Yesterday, during my CHS class, we did some discussion about Normal Behaviour and Abnormal Behaviour. One of my lists about Normal Behaviour is its normal to feel sad and cry. I cried when my aunt (father’s youngest sister) and uncle (mother’s youngest brother) passed away, I cried when I won the first prize for my first radio drama script, I cried with my two Thailand friends when we watched Armageddon, back in 1998 in Singapore, I cried with my two Bruneian friends when we watched Babul, in Reading a few months ago. So, I guess there's no harm in crying... it's a universal feeling...
I’d like to share some information about crying written by Victor M. Parachin, which can be found on this site: http://www.cyquest.com/good_cry.html
Why do people often feel better after crying? Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Colorado Medical School, works primarily with people who are mourning loved ones. "In my experience," he says, "I have observed changes in the physical expressions following the expression of tears. Not only do people feel better after crying, they also look better." And according to Dr. William Frey, a biochemist and director of the Dry Eye and Tear Research Centre in Minneapolis, Minn., one reason people might feel better after crying could be because they are "removing, in their tears, chemicals that build up during emotional stress." Frey’s research indicates that tears, along with other bodily secretions like perspiration, rid the body of various toxins and wastes.
Should tears be controlled? The simple answer is no. Very few people cry for the wrong reasons. Consider the man who rushed his daughter to a local hospital after she experienced a severe fall. Because tears were pouring down his cheeks, the emergency room doctor ordered the young father to stop crying. Clearly, the doctor was wrong. Most people would do well to cry more often, and scientists as well as therapists and doctors are beginning to concur.
Can we cry too often? There is, in fact, only one word of caution about crying. Says one psychotherapist, "People who cry easily should feel glad they’re in touch with their feelings. But if they’re crying a lot in response to criticism, they should try to get some counselling. This kind of crying is an alarm bell of a far deeper hurt; it could signify a loss of self-esteem that is triggered whenever anyone says anything negative."
So to all of you out there, cry as you feel like it. I’m pretty sure you know when to stop. Here’s a story I copied from my cousin blog (Thanks Hang Lucky!). A 4 year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry." So sweet, isn’t it…
Yesterday, during my CHS class, we did some discussion about Normal Behaviour and Abnormal Behaviour. One of my lists about Normal Behaviour is its normal to feel sad and cry. I cried when my aunt (father’s youngest sister) and uncle (mother’s youngest brother) passed away, I cried when I won the first prize for my first radio drama script, I cried with my two Thailand friends when we watched Armageddon, back in 1998 in Singapore, I cried with my two Bruneian friends when we watched Babul, in Reading a few months ago. So, I guess there's no harm in crying... it's a universal feeling...
I’d like to share some information about crying written by Victor M. Parachin, which can be found on this site: http://www.cyquest.com/good_cry.html
Why do people often feel better after crying? Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Colorado Medical School, works primarily with people who are mourning loved ones. "In my experience," he says, "I have observed changes in the physical expressions following the expression of tears. Not only do people feel better after crying, they also look better." And according to Dr. William Frey, a biochemist and director of the Dry Eye and Tear Research Centre in Minneapolis, Minn., one reason people might feel better after crying could be because they are "removing, in their tears, chemicals that build up during emotional stress." Frey’s research indicates that tears, along with other bodily secretions like perspiration, rid the body of various toxins and wastes.
Should tears be controlled? The simple answer is no. Very few people cry for the wrong reasons. Consider the man who rushed his daughter to a local hospital after she experienced a severe fall. Because tears were pouring down his cheeks, the emergency room doctor ordered the young father to stop crying. Clearly, the doctor was wrong. Most people would do well to cry more often, and scientists as well as therapists and doctors are beginning to concur.
Can we cry too often? There is, in fact, only one word of caution about crying. Says one psychotherapist, "People who cry easily should feel glad they’re in touch with their feelings. But if they’re crying a lot in response to criticism, they should try to get some counselling. This kind of crying is an alarm bell of a far deeper hurt; it could signify a loss of self-esteem that is triggered whenever anyone says anything negative."
So to all of you out there, cry as you feel like it. I’m pretty sure you know when to stop. Here’s a story I copied from my cousin blog (Thanks Hang Lucky!). A 4 year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry." So sweet, isn’t it…
Friday, February 09, 2007
Changing the unchanged
Yesterday morning I attended a Behaviour Management class. It’s all about how teachers manage the behaviour of their pupils more effectively.
It makes me flashbacked to my school days memories, when my behaviour, sort of gave my teachers bit of headache. I was not totally rebellious, but I’ve had those moments when I had been called by the senior teacher or discipline master. I escaped from class, didn’t attend a class test, made noise during assembly when the principal gave his speech, asked for 20 cents when my teacher asked me to read a passage in history class and other silly-funny stuffs.
One event I could not forget was during a history test in my secondary 3, when the teacher asked us to write an essay about Sarajevo Incident. What I wrote was “I am sorry sir. I don’t know anything about Sarajevo Incident. I was not born when the incident happened”. Now, after more than 20 years, I still could not stop thinking (and smiling at the same time), why am I pulling that silly stunt. Well, I had to stand in front of the classroom the entire period, and got a zero-mark for that creative answer. I know it’s nothing to be proud of… well… I guess when you’re young, happy-go-lucky and free-spirited kind of girl, you just feel like doing ‘crazy-fun’ things in life.
But one day, I was called to the principal’s office after one incident. I thought he’s going to scold me or punish me, well… then it turned out to be more like a heart-to-heart talk session. He acted more like a fatherly figure than a principal, who genuinely asked me what actually I really wanted to do in life. Not even the discipline master treated me with such kindness. He’s really a great leader, it’s no doubt, currently, he’s one of the prominent figures who held a high position in Brunei. I believed that, the less-than 30-minutes session was the turning point that made me what I am today.
So, if I was asked does managing student behaviour really important? From past experience, I would say yes. It’s not only a matter of the children’s behaviour within the classroom walls but it’s the tale of their life that goes after that which makes a difference.
“Many aspire to change the world but few realize that everyone accomplishes that goal. Each day you live you are changing something. Rather than simply changing the world, one should aspire to make a positive change with each action they commit” - Anon
It makes me flashbacked to my school days memories, when my behaviour, sort of gave my teachers bit of headache. I was not totally rebellious, but I’ve had those moments when I had been called by the senior teacher or discipline master. I escaped from class, didn’t attend a class test, made noise during assembly when the principal gave his speech, asked for 20 cents when my teacher asked me to read a passage in history class and other silly-funny stuffs.
One event I could not forget was during a history test in my secondary 3, when the teacher asked us to write an essay about Sarajevo Incident. What I wrote was “I am sorry sir. I don’t know anything about Sarajevo Incident. I was not born when the incident happened”. Now, after more than 20 years, I still could not stop thinking (and smiling at the same time), why am I pulling that silly stunt. Well, I had to stand in front of the classroom the entire period, and got a zero-mark for that creative answer. I know it’s nothing to be proud of… well… I guess when you’re young, happy-go-lucky and free-spirited kind of girl, you just feel like doing ‘crazy-fun’ things in life.
But one day, I was called to the principal’s office after one incident. I thought he’s going to scold me or punish me, well… then it turned out to be more like a heart-to-heart talk session. He acted more like a fatherly figure than a principal, who genuinely asked me what actually I really wanted to do in life. Not even the discipline master treated me with such kindness. He’s really a great leader, it’s no doubt, currently, he’s one of the prominent figures who held a high position in Brunei. I believed that, the less-than 30-minutes session was the turning point that made me what I am today.
So, if I was asked does managing student behaviour really important? From past experience, I would say yes. It’s not only a matter of the children’s behaviour within the classroom walls but it’s the tale of their life that goes after that which makes a difference.
“Many aspire to change the world but few realize that everyone accomplishes that goal. Each day you live you are changing something. Rather than simply changing the world, one should aspire to make a positive change with each action they commit” - Anon
Life Is Difficult
Life is difficult. Our lecturer in Counselling and Helping Skills quoted the first sentence of a novel in our first class last Monday. Is life really difficult? Well, each and every of us has a story of our own. We all face the ups and downs in life. I would say, it takes a lot of courage, braveness, patience, resilience, open-heartedness and positive mind to lead a happy, peaceful and fulfilling life. Simply said, well… life is really difficult.
I did not intend to share all the things that I’ve gone through in life… I believe other people may have gone through harder obstacles than I do. That’s what I’d like to think of whenever I get into difficulties. One of my mentor said to me, “When you have problems, do not look up to the people above you who possess everything, but look down to those who are less fortunate than you and you’ll find the courage to face whatever hurdles you may stumble into in life”.
I always watch television programmes about people facing hardships in life and read real-life stories, where sometimes you can’t imagine that it could ever happened to anybody. For example, a story about parents who lost three of their children that hanged themselves in their teen days, a husband who lost his wife and four kids when their car plunged in a river, a child severely abused and beaten to death by their own relatives and lots more.
I think by learning and comprehending about other people’s experience in life, you’ll feel stronger and will look at life with a more positive perspective. A versus in the holy Quran says “Allah the almighty, will never give you the burden that you could not endure”. I strongly believe that.
I did not intend to share all the things that I’ve gone through in life… I believe other people may have gone through harder obstacles than I do. That’s what I’d like to think of whenever I get into difficulties. One of my mentor said to me, “When you have problems, do not look up to the people above you who possess everything, but look down to those who are less fortunate than you and you’ll find the courage to face whatever hurdles you may stumble into in life”.
I always watch television programmes about people facing hardships in life and read real-life stories, where sometimes you can’t imagine that it could ever happened to anybody. For example, a story about parents who lost three of their children that hanged themselves in their teen days, a husband who lost his wife and four kids when their car plunged in a river, a child severely abused and beaten to death by their own relatives and lots more.
I think by learning and comprehending about other people’s experience in life, you’ll feel stronger and will look at life with a more positive perspective. A versus in the holy Quran says “Allah the almighty, will never give you the burden that you could not endure”. I strongly believe that.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Handwriting and Our Personality
The handwriting in this picture belong to my nephew, Aziz. He’s really into Wrestling and adores John Cena very much. He came to visit me in Nottingham last December with the rest of the family. I really missed them now that they’ve gone back. Talking about handwriting, I always envy my father who has a very nice handwriting and can do Arabic calligraphy. Mine is straight-line, unconnected, kind-of round figures handwrite and unchanged since my school days. One of Malaysia's well-known counsellor, Dato Dr Fadzillah Kamsah, describe someone who has unchanged handwriting as someone who’s not easily influenced by others, stick to her personality and principle. I don’t know if that’s entirely true… some of it maybe. I’m kind of stubborn at times.
Here’s some interesting information about handwriting and how it describe our personality, which I found in one of the web page.
Here’s some interesting information about handwriting and how it describe our personality, which I found in one of the web page.
BACKWARD - indicates that you are shy and afraid to show your feelings, hesitant.
STRAIGHT UP AND DOWN - indicates that you are a person with a strong need for contact
FULLY CONNECTED - indicates that you are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.
FULLY CONNECTED - indicates that you are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.
PARTIALLY CONNECTED - indicates that you are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
UNCONNECTED - indicates that you are a person who thinks before acting, intelligent and thorough.
WIDE SPACES - indicates that you are reserved, shy, cautious, and thoughtful.
WIDE SPACES - indicates that you are reserved, shy, cautious, and thoughtful.
NARROW SPACES - indicates that you are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
NO SPACES - indicates that you are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action
VERY FAR APART - indicates that you are isolated, detached, reserved, maybe even antisocial.
APART FAR ENOUGH THAT LETTERS DO NOT TOUCH - indicates that you are a person who is uneconomical and talkative.
Why is it important for us to know about our personality through our handwriting? Well, according to Dato’, personality is something that can be changed and influenced. So, we can actually change or influence our behaviour or personality by changing the way we write. Try to write something now… if the spaces is very far apart this shows that you are isolated, reserved and maybe even antisocial. So, try to change your handwriting to narrow the spaces down. Maybe in times, it can make you be a more talkative person, but try not to be too busybody!
Comes to think about this handwriting stuff, I wonder if our preference of FONT when using computer does indicate anything? Hmm… Yes, I think it does….
Why is it important for us to know about our personality through our handwriting? Well, according to Dato’, personality is something that can be changed and influenced. So, we can actually change or influence our behaviour or personality by changing the way we write. Try to write something now… if the spaces is very far apart this shows that you are isolated, reserved and maybe even antisocial. So, try to change your handwriting to narrow the spaces down. Maybe in times, it can make you be a more talkative person, but try not to be too busybody!
Comes to think about this handwriting stuff, I wonder if our preference of FONT when using computer does indicate anything? Hmm… Yes, I think it does….
Singing and Public Apperance
Jangan Berhenti Mencintai Ku (Don’t Stop Loving Me) by an Indonesian singer, Titi DJ is my favourite song. I don’t know why that song put tears in my eyes… the first few lyric… “Jangan berhenti mencintaiku, Meski mentari berhenti bersinar, Jangan berubah sedikit pun, Di dalam Cintamu Kutemukan Bahagia…” I’ll try translate it, hope I get it right... well it means something like this… “Please don’t stop loving me, even when the sun no longer shine, please don’t ever change, in your love I find happiness”. Isn’t it lovely?...
I enjoy music. In fact, I love to sing. My first experience singing on stage was in form 6 (back in 1989?). I sang a song called ‘Kau Merubah Segalanya’, by a Malaysian singer, Fauziah Latif. But my most memorable experience on stage, I would say, would be the one when I sang with the Malaysian Diva, Siti Nurhaliza (now Datuk Siti Nurhaliza), at Jerudong Park Amphitheatre. It’s really a wonderful memory…It’s not that I’m a professional singer or whatsoever, if that’s what you all think, I just happened to be challanged by my sisters and cousins to go on stage when Datuk Siti invited the audience to sing with her on stage.
Well, I’ve appeared in several programme on our local tv few years ago, ‘Dian Hijrah’, ‘Isra’ Mikraj’ & others. I joined quite a few singing competition, live on tv, during national or royal celebrations and others. It’s really fun. My last appearance on stage was last December when I joined the Brumanch Talentime in Manchester(in traditional category). One of the girls asked me, how do you feel when you’re on stage? Don’t you have stage fright? I said, yes, I do but only for the first few minutes. Then I start enjoying it and present the best that I could… eventhough sometimes… it’s not really good… ha…
I do agree though that public appearance is not really everyone’s favourite thing to do. It’s not a born-with talent, you have to learn and practice it. That’s why I and my family, (we have a committee member called Usratu As-Saidah which means happy family), like to organise a family show or celebration, so that all the children can show their talent, singing, dancing on stage. We even have organised an ‘Akademi Fantasia/American Idol’-type of show where 12 children sing and act like their idol. It’s fun to watch their video…I think the youngest participant was actually less than 5 years old at that time.
So those out there who have problems with public appearance, just keep on rehearsing and practicing… practice makes perfect…you’ll never know unless you try.
"A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage. Every day sends to their graves obscure men whose timidity prevented them from making a first effort." - Sydney Smith
I enjoy music. In fact, I love to sing. My first experience singing on stage was in form 6 (back in 1989?). I sang a song called ‘Kau Merubah Segalanya’, by a Malaysian singer, Fauziah Latif. But my most memorable experience on stage, I would say, would be the one when I sang with the Malaysian Diva, Siti Nurhaliza (now Datuk Siti Nurhaliza), at Jerudong Park Amphitheatre. It’s really a wonderful memory…It’s not that I’m a professional singer or whatsoever, if that’s what you all think, I just happened to be challanged by my sisters and cousins to go on stage when Datuk Siti invited the audience to sing with her on stage.
Well, I’ve appeared in several programme on our local tv few years ago, ‘Dian Hijrah’, ‘Isra’ Mikraj’ & others. I joined quite a few singing competition, live on tv, during national or royal celebrations and others. It’s really fun. My last appearance on stage was last December when I joined the Brumanch Talentime in Manchester(in traditional category). One of the girls asked me, how do you feel when you’re on stage? Don’t you have stage fright? I said, yes, I do but only for the first few minutes. Then I start enjoying it and present the best that I could… eventhough sometimes… it’s not really good… ha…
I do agree though that public appearance is not really everyone’s favourite thing to do. It’s not a born-with talent, you have to learn and practice it. That’s why I and my family, (we have a committee member called Usratu As-Saidah which means happy family), like to organise a family show or celebration, so that all the children can show their talent, singing, dancing on stage. We even have organised an ‘Akademi Fantasia/American Idol’-type of show where 12 children sing and act like their idol. It’s fun to watch their video…I think the youngest participant was actually less than 5 years old at that time.
So those out there who have problems with public appearance, just keep on rehearsing and practicing… practice makes perfect…you’ll never know unless you try.
"A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage. Every day sends to their graves obscure men whose timidity prevented them from making a first effort." - Sydney Smith
Friday, January 26, 2007
me and memory
I didn't realise it's November that I last write in this blog... it's January now... 2007.. and I still thought it's 2006 because I said to myself today... what a nice number today, its 26 january 2006. Then, it came to me that it's already 2007. My... what an absent-minded I am..
I'm well-known for my forgetfulness.... my family, friends...nothing will surprise them...There was time when I drove my car and didn't realise that my umbrella was still hanging on the side mirror.... and I thought the guy driving next to my car was smiling because he like me!. There were other events too when I left my car door open, forgot my car keys hanging on the trunk lids, forgot my passport when we're going to Miri... ha.. I could write about my scatterbrained longer than my 5,000 assignments...
It's funny though how human brain work... despite my forgetfulness, I could remember hundreds of phone numbers, date of birth, identity card numbers of my family & friends... I don't know how but I just have a technique of putting two and two together... for example, our postcode number is BC2715. So I just keep in my mind that the postcode is a combination of my date of birth and my sister's. Or two of my cousin/friend's birth date falls on the 11 September...the 11 September!!....My sister's association membership no. is 2438 that's the same as my uncle's car licence 438, or my teacher in the secondary 5 phone number is 4481511, when he told me about it twenty years ago, he said to me 4+4 equal to 8 and 1511 (Portugese capture Malacca).
I guess it's just easier to remember things when it can be related to something. Thomas Nissen, a Danish psychologist called it cumulative learning. It occur when you learn something off by heart, or invent a connection to something that you know.
I called it my other not-so-forgetful memory...
I'm well-known for my forgetfulness.... my family, friends...nothing will surprise them...There was time when I drove my car and didn't realise that my umbrella was still hanging on the side mirror.... and I thought the guy driving next to my car was smiling because he like me!. There were other events too when I left my car door open, forgot my car keys hanging on the trunk lids, forgot my passport when we're going to Miri... ha.. I could write about my scatterbrained longer than my 5,000 assignments...
It's funny though how human brain work... despite my forgetfulness, I could remember hundreds of phone numbers, date of birth, identity card numbers of my family & friends... I don't know how but I just have a technique of putting two and two together... for example, our postcode number is BC2715. So I just keep in my mind that the postcode is a combination of my date of birth and my sister's. Or two of my cousin/friend's birth date falls on the 11 September...the 11 September!!....My sister's association membership no. is 2438 that's the same as my uncle's car licence 438, or my teacher in the secondary 5 phone number is 4481511, when he told me about it twenty years ago, he said to me 4+4 equal to 8 and 1511 (Portugese capture Malacca).
I guess it's just easier to remember things when it can be related to something. Thomas Nissen, a Danish psychologist called it cumulative learning. It occur when you learn something off by heart, or invent a connection to something that you know.
I called it my other not-so-forgetful memory...
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