New Year, New Me

It's been so long since I last wrote in this blog. Busy?... Yes a bit. Lazy?...Yes a lot.
Other reasons? Distraction. TV, movie, chat rooms, other forums and others. Hopefully, this year I would be able to push myself to write more. Writing is my passion so I have to practice more if I wanna be an excellent writer. Shouldn't I?

What shall I write about on my first comeback? Exercising Your Brain... hm... sounds an interesting topic. I've been reading a book titled, 'Train Your Brain' by Dr Kawashima. This book was created to help other people to rejuvenate their brain and develop its function to a higher level. This book is meant for adults with increasing forgetfulness and difficulty remembering people's names or expressing thoughts. Perfect book for someone as forgetful as me!...

Human brain which can be divided to two hemisphere; left and right, are made up of four parts which control individual function: the frontal lobe (motor function), parietal lobe (tactile sense), temporal lobe (auditory perception) and occipital lobe (visual sense).

Dr Kawashima in his research found that doing simple calculation quickly and reading aloud makes multiple parts of both left and right hemispheres of the brain working actively. Research also shows that the brain becomes more active when we read faster.

And do you know when your brain function less? It's while you're in deep thinking and while watching TV. So people as of today... start doing simple calculations and practice reading loudly. And watch less TV (especially for me!)...

I have one simple secret for multiplying. I got it from another book called 'Think Like A Genius'. If you're multiplying any numbers with 11, just add the numbers together. For example: 22x11. Just add 2 with 2 and put the answer in the middle.
2+2=4 so the answer for 22x11 is 242.

11x11=121, 31x11=341, 51x11=561, 25x11=275. Just try yourself...

How about 57x11? Will the answer be 5127? No.... you add 5 with 1 so the answer will be 627.

More examples?...

55x11=605, 67x11=737, 89x11=979... get it?

Easy, isn't it?

Hope to share more info some other time.

Hasta La Vista...

GIVE A HELPING HAND...

We had our last class of Counselling and Helping Skills last Monday. In a way, I feel happy because I can concentrate on my assignments and dissertation now that class is over. But in a way, I feel sad too because I won't be seeing my lecturer and coursemate again. After months of routinely meeting them every week, of course I'll feel something is missing in me. But although it's the last day, I know it's just a new beginning for all of us to start our next journey. All that we've learnt were just basic knowledge that need to be further developed, nurtured and importantly, practised.

In our last class, my lecturer asked us why do we need to have counselling and helping skills? In my response, I said because all the people surround us have lots of emotional and behaviour issues and agendas. Just look at the news about gun-shooting at Virginia Tech, teen murders, gang fights, all sort of terrors happened around the world. So, to me if we could give a helping hand to one or two people with emotional issues or give a shoulder to cry on to some friends and collague who need help, that'll be grateful enough.

After I attend this course, I think I know one of the counselling skills that I could develop is my listening skill. I've had response from some of my coursemates and my friends back home that I'm a person they find easy to talk to and a good listener. Although, counselling is not my profession, I hope to be able to strenghten this skill, well... who knows I might change my mind someday and take up counselling professionally.

I remembered when I went back home to Brunei last month, I met a lady from a neighbouring country. In our 16-hours flight, I learned to know about her quite well. She told me about her life story, her marriage, her sick mum, her two children, her dead brother, her two sisters and her nephews and nieces. What did I do? Just listen to her story sincerely and encourage her to talk more.... in a way I try to practise what I learnt from the class. I think some people find it easy to talk to a complete stanger. Just pour their heart out and somebody listens to their story will make them feel better.

An Indian Philosopher, Jiddu Khrishnamurti said, "So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole part of it, not part of it".

escalation and de-escalation

Last Thursday, we discussed about the intensity of behaviour: the escalation and de-escalation process, in our Behaviour Management class. Imagine yourself as a teacher in this situation.

Butterfly, an 8 year old girl, is a victim of family abuse. One night, she’s doing her homework when suddenly her sister entered the room and tore her book. Her sister accused Butterfly of reading her diary, when in fact it was the mother. Before she goes to school, her father beat her up with a belt because she spilled some milk on his office work documents. Her mother punished her by not allowing her to finish her breakfast. On her way to school, she wants to talk to her elder sister that she’s hungry but her sister asked her to shut up before she could even talk. At school, she’s being bullied by her friend because she wore crumpled school uniform. Then you, as her teacher, punished her for not handing in her homework. What do you think Butterfly would feel at that moment? Hurt? Angry? Rebellious? Depressed?

Any wrong doing in managing children behaviour at this moment could lead to disastrous consequences. She may grow up to be an isolated, anti-social or rebellious person because everybody is ignoring her feelings. Children in school rebel and show behavioural problems because of so many reasons, bullying, abuse, quarrel with siblings, fight over boys or girls, popularity in schools and others…our family and friends too sometimes show unusual or moodyl behaviour, probably because they’ve been scold by their boss, problem with wife/husband, debt, corrupted computer, flat tyre and others…

As a counsellor, teacher, family and friends, we have to learn the strategies on how to assist them to de-escalate the unease, anger, sorrows, depressed and other feelings that they sometimes can’t even understand.

Some of the de-escalation strategies, that we discussed in class and I found in books are (1) let the student calm down for 5-10 minutes, (2) let them express their feelings and genuinely listen to them, (3) acknowledge their feelings (4) ask them to write or draw about their feeling, (5) ask them to go somewhere quite, (6) let them to listen to instrumental music and many more.

Hope you’ll be able to use some of these skills…

Loss and healing process

Last monday, in our C & HS class, we discuss about attachment and loss. I agree when my lecturer said, losing someone you love is really hard… it’s going to be unbearable… it takes time to heal. I’ve lost both my aunt (father’s youngest sister) and uncle (mother’s youngest brother). They both died at an early age. My late aunt was in her twenties… and my late uncle in his late thirties… What I really feel sad about is he never had a chance to meet his only son. His wife was three months pregnant when he passed away… I could remember at that time, me and my mum’s cousin just cried all the way back home when we found out about his death. When I reached home, I saw my first cousin stood in front of my grandparent house. I ran to her, we just hugged each other and cried. No words were spoken. When his son was born, I didn't want to cry because I didn't want my aunt to feel sad, but I just couldn’t help myself… when I saw the baby, all I could think about was my uncle’s face… oh… how I cried…. imagine how my aunt must feel...

Have you ever experienced of comforting someone who lost their loved ones? I know...sometimes we just couldn’t find the right words to say. A very good friend of mine lost her father in her teen years and then lost her husband when she was in her twenties… my heart goes out for her…. When that happened, I just hold her hand and hugged her… I’ve lost for words… I knew no words could comfort her at that time… I just wanted to be there for her and shared her sorrows. And my other good friend lost her babies, triplets… it was so sad… I couldn’t even look at her without tears in my eyes… she really has full of courage and determination, I’d say…

But in every sorrow, somehow somewhere, there is happiness that lies beneath….. all those that I'd mentioned are now happily married with their children… I feel really pleased and happy for all of them. I guess the healing process would be easier... no... not easier... but maybe... bearable when someone had all the support and love from those people around them, parents, siblings, families and friends. Imagine those children or people who are being neglected from all the support and love.

Lydia Maria Child said, "The cure for all ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word 'love' ".

Functionality of behaviour

Last Thursday, during my Behaviour Management class, my lecturer talked about functionality of behaviour. In simple explanation, it is like this. Human behaviour, especially children (in our learning context), is driven by specific goals. So, teachers need to understand what the specific goals are behind children behaviour because only by understanding it that teachers could manage behaviour effectively in their classrooms. Generally, there are four mistaken goals that children seek for, i.e attention, power/control, revenge and nurture.

I tried to relate this to my own experience as a child. Have I ever seeks for attention? Well, maybe… During my History lesson years ago, whenever the teacher asked me to read a passage, I’d asked for 20 cents before I read them. The teacher then get irritated and asked my other friends to read them. I guess as a teacher, he should find a way to make me to read the passage so I learned something, instead of just ignoring me. For attention seeking, the possible strategies teachers could use are ask for help or contributions, personal and specific praise, teach or reward appropriate behaviour and others .

Other behaviour problems I can think of?.. Well...The boys in my secondary 4 class always escaped from class especially during chemistry, biology, physics and history. Later, after we finished our secondary schools and when everybody have a career of their own, we organised a reunion party. I had a chat with one of the boy. He told me the reason for them leaving the class was because they felt uneasy, it’s not because they’re doing it on purpose and lazy. They’re not used to having girls in their class because it’s always been boys since their preparatory class up to secondary 3. And he said what worse was, they sat infront of the class with the girls sat behind them and they felt like their every move are being observed and judged. They really felt awkward. Maybe if the teachers had been aware of this problem, they could do something to help the boys. In this scenario, I could say that the boys are seeking for power or control. So, the strategies that teachers could use are acknowledged their strength, give responsibilities, give leadership opportunities, teach self control and etc.

So, whether you’re a teacher or parent or friends, you could only help and manage your students, children and peer’s behaviour problem, if you could understand what the specific goals are behind their action. Maybe, by doing so, you could make some change somehow. As Hellen Keller said, "No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit."

Why god gave us two ears and one mouth?

Yesterday I had CH & S class. We learned about counselling skills. Be a good listener, that’s one of the important skills that we learned and practised during the counsellor-client activities in class. I enjoyed the activities, practising both role as a counsellor and client.

Now try to reflect yourself, are you a good listener? When your friends pour their hearts out, did you try to find time to listen to them or would you simply listen for few minutes and then advise them based on your past experience? Instead of being a listener, you act more like an advisor and do most of the talking. I guess most people do that. In fact, sometimes I do but I hope I’ll be able to change that from now on.

Last few days, I read 'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I find this book really interesting although I haven’t finished reading it. In this book, the writer shared their years of experience, stories and new insights from their parent group. Simply describe, this book assist parent to nurture and sharpen their skills in parent-child relationship. I think parents should read this book, they might find some of the skills useful and applicable, if not all.

Some of the interesting things in this book, the authors said parents should say less, because a single word sometimes works better than a long paragraph. For example, when a mother said, “Look at you! You’re walking out the door without your lunch again. You’d forget your head if it weren’t attached to you” or “Son, your lunch!” Which do you think will have more effect on children?

In listening skills, the author suggested, among other things, that parents should listen with full attention and acknowledge their children’s feelings with words. Even simple words like, oh.. mm…uuh… will do. I believe it’s true. I know it's not easy for parents to communicate and listen to their children especially after a hard, rough, tiring day at work. But sometimes, it’s not that children want parents to give every solution to their problems. They just wanted to share their feelings and parents need to acknowledge that. I guess this can be adapted in our daily relationships too, with family, friends, colleague, students and others.

When I was attending a two-month English Language course in Singapore few years ago, my Myanmar friend, Chaw Kalyar, present us with a topic of 'why does god gave us two ears and one mouth?'. The answer simply is because god wanted us to listen more and talk less.

Make Love Not War

Thanks Kaidah for letting me contribute over in your blog. Hi all, it's Amy, and actually my permanent 'home' in the blogosphere is here.

Why the title above? The idea for such post came to me after watching a video titled 'Battle of the Sexes in the Animal Kingdom' in Behavioural Biology. According to the video, there's a constant battle of the sexes for power in the world. Lions fight with each other to overtake ownership of lioness and have cubs. Queen ants suppress the sexual tendencies of her daughters. Queen naked mole rat sleeps on top of a mattress of oppressed males. In other words, in most species, it's Make War, Not Love.

Interestingly there is a species that literally make love, not war. These are the bonobos. Males touch each other's genitals to reduce aggression, and engages in a ritualized sex play that do not lead to conception. In the video, after fighting with each other, two male bonobos touch each other's genitals like shaking hands.

The lecturer said sociologists are still investigating bonobos' behaviour, whether such peace can be applied to human societies.

Interesting.